whether ’tis nobler

9 June 2009 § 1 Comment

I suppose that it is a human thing to pursue what you value the most (i’m calling it the Noble). But people disagree on what that is–whether ’tis nobler to suffer in meekness, to defy one’s oppressors, to spend oneself on acquiring material things and achievements or on exploring the unseen (wherever and everywhere that it can be found).

This thought entered my head (not for the first time, but in bloggy-style) today at the dentist. I was talking with my dental hygienist as if we were close friends, as if i was really amused that she was not intimately familiar with e.e. cummings, as if she had the right to ask me about my summer and family and to apologize for flicking that piece of tooth-gunk into my eye–did it sting?–but deep down i knew that i only saw her every six months and it was always torture and is that really grounds for a relationship? She really is a person, and for that i forgive the loveless scouring of my teeth and gums. I wondered if it would be nobler to sit there and keep up the pretense that i didn’t mind her, or, like my double (the self that always does what you really want to do instead of should–thanks Nabokov), bite off all her fingers and run away. Which, i admit, i made up (but after i made it up i wanted to do it; still cheating i think). But it is appealingly dramatic.

To be honest, though, i wanted to hate her but couldn’t. She is a person. And i am. And she does her job and my teeth are healthier because of it. And she could be gentler but then so could i. So i was really pretending to myself that i was pretending to her that everything was glad and good, because it really was, except for some unpleasantness in the mouth area and some pride and overanalyzation in the heart/brain area.

Good night! I shall think more about the Noble, and perhaps have more to say about it, but no guarantees.

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